Review of Cletus's "Fake Biography on the Admin"

When I was five, I saw a very scary show. It was called Cyberchase and it remains on the scariest, pants wetting channel, P-B-S to this date! That name has from now on inspired fear within my soul and given me nightmares periodically throughout my uneventful, video game centric life. There was a big scary green man who looks just like the 3rd mini boss in Silent Hill: Revenge of the Son of My Friendly Pet Cthulhu Named Billy Bob Thorten Jr. (A sacred game in which every redneck of my small town in Ohio prays to on altar every Sunday. So must you, OBEY OBEY ZOMBIE!)

So anyways, back to CyberChase. The nighmares this show caused me have provoked me to have random spaz attacks and delete random forums. I am a fat obese child who is now 15 but act like I'm 5. I told our local painter this once and he said that he was just like me as a kid. Yup, he got his first kiss in 6th grade, was a quarterback for all four years of high school, had to file many restraining orders to the ladies of the high school who couldn't resist reaching for his ass, (THERE WERE AWOTTA THEM!) graduated and got accepted into the ritzyest painting/medical university, now gets to paint doctors thesis' and PHD's, and when on a trip to England, HE GAVE THE QUEEN CPR WHILE SHE WAS CHOKING ON A BADMINTON AND THEN THEY FELL IN LOVE AND HE MARRIED INTO THEIR ROYAL FAMILY! And then the painter made the sudden revolation "wait a minute! My life IS THE FUCKING SHITZ MAN! I GET TO SNIFF COCAINE OFF THE ASS OF THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND! HOW MANY MOTHER FUCKING PAINTERS GET TO DO THAT!?"

Actually, the painter gave me CPR too when I was choking on the Reese's Pieces I had to live on because my mom is mentally incapable of feeding a 15 year old (and i cant cook cuz im retarded too) I got banned off of 16 forums but I blame Justin Batha because he is the little voice in my head who tells me to hook up with the Olsen twins.

(Insert more mentally depressive crap here.)

So anyways, I resolved to be just like that painter and live a ballin life and not be a home schooled ingrate who has random acts of "insanity." WELL, I RESOLVED TO BE BETTER UNTIL MY CRAZY MUM BOUGHT ME A PS3 AND CALL OF THE CTHULULAHABHJFBASFJ WAWA




Now, I'm a hard boiled internet browser man who has seen "everything bad" on the internet. Hentai, ero, Ero Hentai, Justin Bartha corsagging Nick Cage in the unrated scene from NATIONAL TREASURE 5: THE TREASURE IN NICKS PANTS, VAGINAL PIERCINGS, VAGINAS, ANIME VAGINAS, LIL 5TH GRADE DOODLES OF VAGINAS, CLITHORAS AND VAGINAS BEEN PENTRATED WITH JUSTIN BARTHA HEAD SHAPED DILDOS!



Also, WHY DOES IT HURT WEN I PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?! THE WORLD IS SO CRUEL TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I HAVENT A TIME TO SPARE! NOT EVEN WITH A PEAR SHAPED DILDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOOBIES! ERO ERO ERO ERO MUSHROOM MUSHROOM SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SNAAAAAAAAAAKE ERO ERO ERO ERO MUSHROOM MUSHROOM SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SNAAAAAAAAAAKE
ERO ERO ERO ERO MUSHROOM MUSHROOM SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SNAAAAAAAAAAKE


ERO ERO ERO ERO MUSHROOM MUSHROOM SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SNAAAAAAAAAAKEERO ERO ERO ERO MUSHROOM MUSHROOM SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE SNAAAAAAAAAAKE



Hey who else has had expeirences as disturbing ass me, TRISTIN CURRAN?