The Chuck Norris Thread.

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This is a thread for the legendary badass, Chuck Norris!

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off

The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls.
Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.

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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time,

He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

You know what they say "When you grab the bull by the horns,you deal head-on and directly with a problem."? Well when you grab Chuck Norris, all you get is a roundhouse kick to the face and death.(I made this)

[Guest]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

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James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up: Jack Bauer and MacGyver

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

[Guest]

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face.
He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

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When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Chuck Norris doesn't need a computer, he has all of the websites in his mind.(made this)

Chuck Norris' computer doesn't need a anti-virus program, you know why?Because no virus wants to mess with Chuck Norris, not even a Trojan Horse(made this also)

Chuck Norris once saw a video of him fighting someone in the freeware, fighting game engine, MUGEN.He then went over to the creators' house and promptly roundhouse kicked him.No one trys to make another Chuck Norris(made this too.)

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